Project Nicholas has been on since he was about 18 months old. It has been filled with a careful mix of fun, love and right brain learning in the area of English, Spanish and Math. I only recently started on the area of math because honestly, I was deathly afraid I’d do something wrong. However, after reading Glenn Doman‘s Book “How to Teach Your Baby Math“, I realize that the only thing I did wrong was wait until after Nicholas was two years old. I should have started teaching math earlier.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with “Right Brain Learning“, it’s a type of teaching that involves showing your child fast paced flashes of images with enthusiasm within a short period of time, a few times a day. Most of the teaching is about 15 seconds tops.

The point is not to make the learning period long and drawn out and intense, but short, intense, focused and fun. Doman documents that researchers on brain activity have determined that at least with some children who engage in this style of learning, their retention is extremely high. I found the method fascinating after reading about Doman’s method in his book “How to Teach Your Baby to Read”.  Essentially, he wrote about how research with brain-damaged children lead to findings that this style of teaching helped many children achieve genius level performance. And some of the children taught with this method had surgery to remove large portions of their brain. Yet the brain-damaged children out performed kids with all their faculties in tact.

At first, I wasn’t sure if the method was working. I had included DVDs from “Your Baby Can Read” and included my style of word games with every day activities. Although Nicholas is a little more than 2 months, he doesn’t talk a lot. He does say a few key phrases, mixed with one word requests and does a lot of pointing with an occasional grunt. However, when we play with words on cards, he almost nails every word — even though the pronunciation isn’t dead on. The method does work. Now he begs for DVDs like Tweedlewink.

I’m only about 2 weeks into the math dots. I keep pressing forward, unsure if his little brain is making the math connection, but I’m following the program. If you’re a mom or dad who has tried this method, I’d love to hear what you did during the first period of starting the math dots to make it stick and make math fun.

“What is government if words have no meaning?” It’s the question that Jared Lee Loughner allegedly asked Arizona Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords in August 2007. It’s what Loughner’s friends say may have prompted his hatred of Giffords, and ultimately his shooting rampage that killed six people and wounded 14, including Giffords.

When I heard this question I knew why the congresswoman probably didn’t  answer Loughner to his liking. It wasn’t an appropriate time for philosophical or hypothetical questions when so many others at the forum were probably looking for real life answers to real life problems from her. However, it’s unfortunate that Loughner did not consider answering his own question by looking beyond the institution, the politics, and written laws.

I wish he had considered the idea of government of oneself. It’s something that goes beyond words.

If you strip self-government down to the base, government is you and God alone.

And if that relationship between you and the light and the breath of the universe that gave you life worked as one, a man-made set of laws and institutions known as government wouldn’t be needed.

We’d govern ourselves when it came to our environment. We’d govern ourselves when it came to our fellow human beings. And the governing would extend to every living thing around us.

If everyone were to have enough internal love for themselves and respect for themselves, the need for government really wouldn’t need to exist. People would voluntarily help their neighbor. No one would try to cheat others out of money or time. No one would abuse power.

I may be wrong, but it appears at least on the basic level, institutional government emerged from a desire to provide balance among groups of people living together and counter-balance the human lack of love for oneself and love for others.

Many are speculating that Loughner had mental issues. And it’s believed that he needed medical help that he did not receive before the horrible shooting. And no one can know if intervention may have made any difference in this case. And I believe understanding Loughner’s reasoning probably won’t help stop any future shootings.

However, I believe government could exist if words had no meaning.

But that government would be a government of the mind, body and spirit. It would be a government where every beating heart would consider every other heart as important as any other regardless of ethnicity, philosophy or religion. It would be a government where every life is precious.

I think more people need to be educated about Trick or Treating etiquette.

I am a mom who doesn’t mind handing out candy to the little tikes, but when parents bring their kids to your door early in the afternoon, I think it’s plain rude.

Doorbell ringing early in the afternoon is usually reserved for Jehovah’s Witnesses, delivery folks and sales persons – not little kids in costume.

Last year, Halloween fell  on Saturday. That year, I ran out of the house to go to the store to pick up some last minute things. I returned at 2:45pm. But somehow some trick or treaters made it to my door before I got home and splattered eggs all over my front door and windows.

“Trick or Treating before 3 in the afternoon!” Are these people crazy?! “ I yelled.

I still managed to calm down and hand out candy to the other kids with a smile.

And later had to stand outside in the cold with a bucket of hot water with pinesol and a sponge to get all the egg off my windows and door.

This Halloween fell on Sunday. I was pro-active! I put a sign on my door saying:

Happy Halloween! We will be giving out candy!                              Date: Sunday, October 31, 2010                                                              Time: AFTER 5PM                                                                                                See You Then!

Now even with the sign, I had kids ringing my doorbell beginning at 2pm.  Parents usually were not accompanying their kids. They were at the end of the driveway waiting while the kids, many who couldn’t read, or just didn’t care to read the sign, rang the bell and screamed trick or treat.

Whatever happened to Trick or Treating in the evening?

Is it too much to give a household a chance to have dinner? Or just have a life that day that isn’t committed to standing guard at the door ready with a big bowl of candy?

I did a little research and found according to at least one writer on ShowBizGossips.com.

“A good time for trick or treating would be between 4PM to 6PM for children eight years and under, getting them home in time for dinner and bedtime.
 For children 8 – 12 years old, anytime between 6PM to 8PM is good, provided the neighborhood is safe and adult supervision is provided.
 Kids over 12 have a little more time allowance, depending on the situations and adult guidance.”

This year, one child even held up a box with a hole in it saying TRICK OR TREATING FOR UNICEF! Expecting me to put change in the box. I said sorry honey I don’t have any money. This while I struggled with a big bowl of candy trying to accommodate 7 kids at the door.

The parents were at the end of the sidewalk telling the kids to say thank you. But I just thought “Wow – you’d send your kid to the door to ask for monetary donations?!”

There are just some things you just don’t do.

Etiquette Expert Diane Gottsman, a nationally recognized etiquette professional and the owner of The Protocol School of Texas wrote in her blog a few of the following tips for parents:

• Follow closely behind your child and don’t allow him or her to wander off from house to house without supervision.
• A parent should also acknowledge the person handing out the candy with a smile and a “thank you.”
• Discourage your older teen from trick or treating. Expect raised eyebrows from the neighbors if your teen is carrying a trash bag or pillowcase for a treat bag.
• Teens should never wear a heavy mask or carry weapon-like gear.
• Inspect all treats before letting your children eat them.
• If you do not want to participate in the Halloween ritual, make it clear by turning off your front porch light. Better yet, go out for a nice dinner and return after all of the little goblins are tucked into bed.

I would include:

• Don’t let your child ask for money at the door.
• And wait till dinner hour or after to do trick or treating unless your block club of neighbors have agreed on a better time. It’s just being a good neighbor and considerate.

Maybe 5pm is just too late for some moms and I apologize. But 2 in the afternoon for trick or treaters seems just a little too early.

Relax into the stretch. It’s something that I learned with a yoga tape. But I think in many ways it helps me throughout life.

Today has been a little frustrating when the tub’s drain was clogged and the toggle switch wouldn’t work to let the shower water out. I called a plumber who called me back to say he’d be here in 2 hours. That was 3 hours ago.

And while I cleaned the bathroom, Nicholas, my toddler (who turned 2 this October) got a hold of my morning green drink and poured it in puddles all over the kitchen floor.

I took a deep breath, put him in the playpen and told myself — relax into the stretch.  Then I went to work cleaning up the green mess.

Stretching your patience is indeed an exercise. Stress is only resisting what is currently your present. But instead of holding on to what I don’t want for the moment, it’s better to breathe, let it go and look forward to more positive moments ahead….a better future. I will hope the rest of my day is stress free.  And the plumber comes. But for now I will relax into the stretch.

About a week later the trash was gone and I sent an email thank you with one more request — the women’s bathroom near the park. It was filthy.

I understand most public bathrooms are not clean but this one had fecal mater on the door handles, around the flush buttons, trash and tissue on the floor and it did not appear as if someone had cleaned it in quite sometime.

I received a response from the parks administrator with the following email:

July 12, 2010

Dear Ms. Dillard,
I will make it a priority that the garbage at the playground is emptied every morning.  That has always been my policy and the policy at my Division.  Our priorities have always been to clean and inspect playgrounds before anything else.  We should not open playgrounds until this has been completed.  My second priority is restrooms.  We must clean all restrooms first thing in the morning also.  I will be speaking to Supervisors Joe Abalsamo and Sal Del Collo to make sure we do not lose site of our policy.  I will also make sure additional trash receptacles are placed in our Playground.  If at any time you have a problem please call Supervisor Joe Abalsamo at ***-***-****.  I can assure you Supervisor Abalsamo will address any and all of your concerns.  If you need further assistance my number is ***-***-****.
We will also address all the restrooms immediately.  There is no excuse for what you have shown us.  I do want to say that people are disgusting; they urinate and defecate on the floors daily.  This is a reality and we have been dealing with it forever.  I can’t say this will not happen again but the daily maintenance does exist but as I can see it needs to be more thorough.
I hope the remainder of your summer is pleasant.

Thomas McCann

Cc:      Beth Ruttler
Joe Abalsamo
Sal Del Collo

Of course I went to check the restroom that day.  Unfortunately, it was only a little better. The door handles were wiped a bit but it really didn’t look like anyone tried to make it cleaner. The floor had been mopped but the flush button around the toilet was still full of dirty finger prints. I don’t think anyone used a sponge. Anyway, I sent another email with my observations but when I go in periodically, it’s still pretty yucky.

My email apparently worked with things that could be viewed out in the open but not with things that are hidden from the view of most people. But at least it’s better than before.

It’s been a joy watching him learn to climb, slide, fall and interact with other kids. Just trying to keep him from poking them in the nose or pushing them out-of-the-way so he can get in the crawling tunnel first has been a challenge.

The other challenge has been trash. Not trash from me or Nicholas but overwhelming piles of trash that the park crews don’t seem to pick up. Every day I’d pick up a few water bottles, sticky wrappers and apple cores.

And then I heard another parent say to their child, don’t you want to go to another park? This one is dirty. And she was right. It was trash was just everywhere. Cups and food by the swings, banana peels underneath the jungle gyms, soda cans and juice boxes all around the fountains. It was disgusting. And I was disgusted. But what could I do about it?

Then I remembered I had an i-phone that could take pretty good pictures. I began snapping away. I was going to send these pictures to the park supervisor and the town superintendent’s office with an email.

My email read as follows:

Hello,
I am sending you an email about the growing trash piles at the playground near my home  at the James Braddock Park in North Bergen off Bergenline Avenue/Kennedy Blvd.I’ve taken my son here almost every day during this spring. And now that the summer is here, the trash keeps piling and no one seems to pick it up. I often would take it upon myself to pick up when I saw trash around, but now it’s just overwhelming.The garbage receptacles are often placed away from areas that people who use the playground equipment sit. And that doesn’t encourage others to walk across the park to find one.Is it possible the crews, who I often see doing other parts of the park, could visit this area at least 2 to 3 times a week to pick up the trash and empty the trash cans?And perhaps they could move a few of the cans in the area where the children play near benches, so that when people sit down to eat an outdoor lunch they don’t just leave it all over the ground?It’s not sanitary for the kids and it just looks plain ugly.

Sincerely,

A Park Lover

Esther Dillard

I felt really great after sending it. I didn’t know if it would really make any difference. However, when I came back to the park after a week away on vacation, the trash was cleaned up and the place was nearly sparkling. I was completely impressed!

I sent a thank you email.

However, I also send more photos with another request. The women’s bathroom near the  playground.

Here’s just a peak. This is the handle of one of the stalls.

And YES, I believe that’s dried fecal mater. YUCK!

The rest is so disgusting I’ll save it for another post.

Hope by that time it’s all cleaned up.

After chopping the doo off months ago, I decided to go natural and just opted for braids. It’s a choice that took a little getting used to since I haven’t worn braids for an extended period of time since I was a kid. It still takes maintenance of course, but not nearly as much pampering I had to do when I had a perm.

For many a perm is perfect. It makes things really easy and convenient and straightens out the natural curl. For me, it always made my hair straight and smooth for a while but then eventually as my natural hair grew in it would become fragile and break off and just aggravating.  More perm would just burn my scalp and make sores.

My natural hair texture and need for moisturizer was far more demanding than the permed hair and the two would eventually fight each other. The only time a perm really worked was when it was short and you had to keep cutting it super short so that when the new growth came in — I wouldn’t end up being frustrated again.

I was essentially fighting my hair. I was fighting myself. Every morning it was a mental negative energy I brought to the start of my day. And no doubt it effected how I related with others, and just regular every day things.

A rainy day was never greeted with a pleasant smile and giving thanks to God for the water of the day….but anger that I was going to look bad for work and the news director wouldn’t hear anything that came out of my mouth — or the great story I did — JUST that my hair looked fuzzy and not like my other straighter haired colleagues.

Every day was a mental self-hatred — even so slight — because I couldn’t look just the others. And that mental state effected my day.

But since making the change I realize how much freedom it’s given me. And how much more love I have for myself. When rain comes, I thank God for the rain and don’t care if my hair gets wet because I don’t have to look like my fellow workers. I feel more confident and less controlled. And I look at others differently as well.

I believe African-American women often carry baggage that has been drilled into our heads since we were children. Bad hair, at least in African-American culture, is our naturally curly hair. BAD — opposite of good — makes us feel inferior — even if it’s ever so slight. We carry around a negative energy that then affects how we see ourselves in careers, in relationships and in life.

I’m not saying everyone should go natural. I’m looking at a bigger picture.

I’m suggesting that negative thought patterns effect our overall well-being. If you keep telling yourself over and over mentally that one thing is GOOD and another is BAD when it’s really just a choice, negativity can permeate your life. It’s makes you less free. Free your mind and watch how much better your life becomes.

Why is it that important that another person is pleased or accepts what you’re doing? I’m sure there are many of you out there who say, “I don’t care what anybody thinks.” And you may think you don’t, but really you do.

Often people:

• wear certain clothes
• wear hair styles
• put make up on
• drive luxury cars
• go to popular restaurants
• watch certain programs
• go on Facebook
• twit on Twitter
• get the latest cell phone
• choose careers
• date certain guys
• go to certain churches
• join certain groups

all because they are trying to fit in with a certain crowd, or appear acceptable to others. And that can be the parents, your friends, the church crew or whatever.

It’s not about really what you want OR what you select because it makes you feel good  – but it’s about when someone else recognizes it. We are social beings, so we want to be acceptable. But that can often get in the way of doing what your really want.

Re-evaluating WHY you do the things you do in your everyday life can give you a better perspective on just what is important and what’s just added STUFF.

Do you really want to go to that wedding or are you worried that if you don’t go, Cousin so-and-so is going to trash you later behind your back. And if she does — why does it matter if she trashes you or not. Just because she said it — does it make it true?

Are you following the career that you really want or are you doing it only because it pays the bills and it looks good when someone asks “So….what do you do?”

Taking the “people pleasing road of life” can often lead to a lot of un-happiness.

Living life the way you really want to requires a deep understanding of self. And sometimes what you want doesn’t make the other person happy.

My goal in the next month or so is to understand how to develop dynamic sites with PHP and MySQL. Now Dreamweaver CS5 gives you help to make that process extremely easy. There is now integration with WordPress that allows you better access and faster options when it comes to hosting your own site. I believe if I can just not end up so sleepy at the end of my day and get through a few tutorials on the software, I’ll be able to create a content management system with WordPress that is completely customized with javascript and widgets that I would not be able to create on a WordPress.com site.

What was once a complicated process is so much easier.

Of course, you still have to learn php and MySql. But I think it’s well worth it.

The change has been rather overwhelming. But one tool that has helped make things a lot easier has been a web site called lynda.com and also the software from Adobe — Dreamweaver, Photoshop, Flash and Fireworks to name a few. How I obtained the software without breaking the bank was at first through a friend who had purchased her copy as a student and was willing to let me install it on my computer since she was the only one using it. And her primary use was Illustrator and Photoshop for a graphics freelance business she decided to start after getting a lot of requests to create fliers for people who were hosting events.

The learning curve has been pretty steep. But well worth it.

In fact I’ve had the opportunity to design at least three web sites for clients. I’ve charged next to nothing and yes –volunteered my time to get the experience. My next challenge is learning how to tackle content management systems from scratch. WordPress is an awesome tool. But I want to know how to do it myself and create a couple of cool looking templates like the ones they offer from developers on the WordPress site.

I’m taking tutorials on dynamic websites on the lynda.com web site. However, I wonder if there are other tools to learn how to develop for free ware like WordPress. If anyone has suggestions, feel free to comment. I’d love some direction.